I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
