there's paper in my vomit.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
