fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
