Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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