last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
