I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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