seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
