Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
