i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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