I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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