Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
from now on my penis is your penis
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didn't notice because vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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