apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i now understand why vodka
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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