You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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