the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
