A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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