is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
time to smoke my breakfast
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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