my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your cock deserves a montage
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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