; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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