I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
