I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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