I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize