Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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