i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We're too hungover to prance.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
