i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
