i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
