why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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