I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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