Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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