don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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