so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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