I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
