I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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