I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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