you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
