hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
