You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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