I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
