I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My balls are so social today.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
