I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
