since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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