when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize