Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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