You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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