One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
