I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
