I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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