Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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