I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
