Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
