and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
