Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We got so high we made milksteak
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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