Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
