Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
