It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.