You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I just went to clothing optional bar