I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize