you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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