You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
