All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
