yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
