too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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