Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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