I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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