I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
