Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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