would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize