She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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