Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
