Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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