If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
