I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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