so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
