Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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