i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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